Well, Mark and I have been here in Seattle now for almost 4 months. Crazy! We have been having so much fun exploring new things and places, and in general our new lives. But now it seems as if the “honeymoon” phase is coming to an end, and the reality of life seems to be settling in. I’m still incredibly happy, but things about regular life have been coming to the surface more than they were before. So it has me wondering, are certain people just doomed to see the big picture more than other people, and therefore end up a little less happy than most people seem to be? Or is everyone unhappy, but just put on a good front so that no one will know? Are people okay with the fact that we spend the majority of our time working? When you really sit down and think about it, most Americans spend the biggest parts of their lives at work, and such a little amount of their lives doing what they really want to do (the other big part of our lives is taken up with sleep, which is pretty crucial in keeping us all sane). And the thing that really gets to me is the fact that most people probably aren’t very happy in their jobs. The big kicker too is that a lot of people have been to college and have graduated with a degree, and are still working pointless jobs that will get them no where.
This is all just stuff that has been bugging me, and I just don’t know if there is anyway around it. We’ve dug ourselves into this society that bases all of human life on work. I firmly believe we were not put on this earth to toil away for the biggest part of our lives. Yes, we contribute to our capitalistic society, and I hope we all somehow become better people because of our experiences, but life should not be so controlled. Our lives should not be so controlled by money, but our society doesn’t allow anything different. Humans exist with the natural instinct to survive, and our survival has become the dollar bill, and not happiness. The saying, “Money doesn’t buy happiness” is a true statement. But not in the way it is meant. No, money does not buy happiness, because happiness existed before money ever existed, and people probably were a lot happier during that time. But because of the society that we live in, I think people would be a lot happier if they weren’t so concerned about their survival, i.e. money. Money does not buy happiness, but if we all had enough money to comfortably exist, and not have to toil away at a job that we don’t like for the rest of our lives, I have a feeling we would indeed all be happier.
Human existence has gotten to a point of troublesome ideals. I feel as if we have gotten to a point of no return, and in order for anything to change, something drastic needs to happen. Whether that’s December 21, 2012 being a real thing, or if people decide to wake up from their brain dead slumber and start caring about the things that really matter. I don’t know what will happen, I don’t know when it will happen, but something needs to change. People need to start caring more about their lives and especially the people in it. We are all humans and we are all in this life together. We need to start acting like it. We need to live in a society that allows us to do what we want to do, have enough money to survive, and mostly, be happy. Something needs to change. We all need to wake up and see the bigger picture. And in the meantime, try to find the everyday small parts of life that do make us happy.
This week has been a big one for me. Actually this month has been. We moved to Seattle on short notice. It was shocking, but so right. I couldn’t be happier with that decision. We moved here, and have been here a week today, and I have loved every moment of it (even getting stuck in rush hour traffic, or walking blocks in the pouring rain with no umbrella). More than anything, at this point in my life, this city feels like home to me. Just since we’ve been here, I feel like a different person. Not in the sense of an actual different person, but I’m happy. I don’t wake up everyday wanting to just crawl into a little ball and stay there all day. I wake up every morning happy to do so and ready to embrace what the day is going to bring.
Like I said, we’ve only been here a week, so mostly what we’ve been doing is unpacking and organizing and making our apartment our home. But we have managed to also find time to go out and explore our new home, the city. We take long walks, we drive around in parts we’ve never been to, eat at new places. We even went to a tiny old theatre, 20 minutes from here, just so we could see “Midnight In Paris” for $3 (the popcorn was actually more than the movie ticket). We’ve only had one day of sunshine so far, but the rain hasn’t been raining on our parade. Every day is a new day full of possibilities, and I go head first into each of them. Everything about this place feels so right, its good to finally feel like I belong somewhere.
I do dearly miss everyone I left back in Coeur d’Alene, but I know that by how I feel, I made the right decision. I have never been happier, and it is such a relief to finally feel happy again, and know that I can be.
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story.
From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and off beat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out.
I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
-Sylvia Plath The Bell Jar
I like my horoscope for the week. All about telling the truth. Looks like my week is going to consist of Pinocchio nose growing in reverse. What a concept. I wish the whole world would learn to tell the truth more often. There’s too many bullshitters. People are so afraid of hurting others’ feelings. Maybe if we all started with telling each other the truth, then there wouldn’t be any hurt feelings. But everyone is so used to being told what they want to hear that when the truth does finally come out it usually does hurt. And that’s not because it’s intended to hurt, it’s just because we’re not used to hearing it put so straight. Why did the world get put into such a funk that we end up being these shells of our former selves that don’t reflect our true feelings? It shouldn’t hurt so much to tell the truth and it shouldn’t hurt so much to hear the truth. I basically have tried to be as truthful as I can and still not be seen as a mean person. It’s hard to do, because people so easily get offended, even if it is the truth that’s being told. It’s hard to be an honest person in today’s world, and lots of times, it can blow up in your face. I guess the whole point though, is that people that really do want others to be honest, will in fact appreciate someone who is exactly that. I think everyone needs to work on it. I think everything would be a lot nicer and easier if we could all be honest with each other. Who knows, maybe then the truth wouldn’t hurt so much and we could all end up being better people from it. Then we could all hold hands and sing “Kumbaya”. But really, it is something to ponder.
